Lesson In Driving
by STRiPESandShades
Summary: Sequel to "S'all She REALLY Needed to Know!", Murdoc is back at the teaching game, this time taking twelve-year-old Noodle out to learn the best part of driving. Rated T for excessive swearing, bad driving and Murdoc. One-shot.


**Lesson In Driving**

The little green buggy beeped at Murdoc's command, the doors unlocking.

"Hop in, love" he urged Noodle to the front seat, usually reserved for 2D-kun, but today, _she_ would ride shotgun.

Today was Noodle's first lesson in driving and they were taking their quasi-off-road Jeep for a spin, the same battered car from the 19-2000 video.

"Now that we're in th' car, take a look around. What do y' see?" Murdoc asked, "Check out the dash, the hardware, all that good stuff. Let's see what'cha know."

"Well, that is for speed!" the girl pointed to the speedometer, "And that mean the car can't get too hot… and that the shifter!"

"Good. So you know a little. Now, do you know the difference between a stick shift and an automatic?"

She shook her head.

"Alright, well, a stick means you have to shift gears by hand, the ol' fashioned way. Automatics are for lazy dullards that can't drive and think at the same time." The bassist smiled evily, "Needless to say Two-Dent drives one of 'em suckas an' will prolly try to teach you that."

"Auto-matic no good?" Noodle asked curiously, "That why you teach me stick?"

"Well, yeah, but not today, lovey. Today, I'm teaching you something very important that you'll use all the time later."

The garage doors opened wide, and the sunlight shot through. Stomping the pedal to the floor, they sped off to the open road.

"Now, the first thing ya need to know is that every other driver out here…"

"Yes?"

"They're all bleedin' idiots! Everyone else has got somethin' missin up here, no lights in the attic. An' don't be afraid to tell them that!"

"They all _baka_?"

"Yeah, sure, let's go wif that. They're all bloomin' idiots. Now see, that guy?" he pointed out to the car in front of them, a shiny silver Volvo, "He doesn't even know what he's doin'. He's a class-A fick-head, prolly some pretty rich-boy whose mummy went out to get 'im a nice shiny car 'e can't even drive. So the second thing you need to know is that nobody can hear you when you tell them off, so you can say whatever you want! They don't care! So what we say to this idiot, hmmm..?"

"He _baka_?"

"No, no! You've got t' be a bit more violent about the matter. Watch." Murdoc rose, half-standing in the car, his fists waving like a loon, "OI YOU BLOODY ASSHOLE! LEARN TO DRIVE AN' GET OFF THE GODDAMM ROAD, YEAH?!" and he sank back into the seat with a _wha-thump_.

The car was about to hit the curb, making Noodle whimper with fear before he slammed the wheel hard right, bringing them back into the lane with a screech.

"See, like that, yeah?"

"So we yell at him, _baka_?"

"Yeah, exactamuno. Now, that guy" Murdoc pointed at a big, black Hummer, "Notice anything diff'rent about tha' one?"

Noodle stared hard, "I think the plate on his back bumper is strange"

"Right again, lovey!" he tussled her hair playfully, "Now, 'e's one of 'em American assholes, from a place called" he peered at the blue-and-white plate, "Conn-ekt-ee-cut. Wha'ever that is."

"Connekteekut? What that?"

"It's a place in the goddamn USA, s'all you need t' know. An' you know what they say about the USA" he smirked

"They _baka _too?"

"Exactly. But they don't even belong here, they're worse than that 'un, with the silver pretty-car! So we go even deepah, we 'onk an we flip 'em off an' tell 'em off, yeah?"

"Flip… off…?"

"Yeah, like this, love" he showed her his middle finger appraised, "Means 'fuck off' in at least five diff'rent languages, versatile li'l gesture, that is."

"So we do this?" she struggled to fold her fingers correctly

"Tha's right. Now, hold off until I get into 'is lane. I'll 'onk an' you just go t' town, tellin' 'im off"

The wheels screamed and the car swerved violently into the next lane over, behind the unsuspecting Conn-ekt-ee-cut driver. Well, unsuspecting until Murdoc laid on the horn.

"GO BACK T' YER OWN COUNTRY BLOODY BUGGA!"

"_Baka yaro, __yatte'n ja nee yo! __Dete ike! Kono shiri-nuke-me!_" she screamed with all her might, both her hands folded with their middle fingers up.

"That's my girl!"

-:: ~ ::-

"Oh, eh there, lil' love!" 2D greeted Noodle as she hopped up on a stool in the studio, thumbing out some random notes on her accoustic, "What choo learn t'day?" he asked cheerfully.

"I learn lots, 2D-kun! I learn that every other driver is _baka_, that anyone without yoo-kay plates is asshole and how to 'flip off' and honk horn! Also, Murdoc-san say you no good driver, you drive auto-matic and can't drive and think!"

Russel and 2D exchanged knowing glances. "MURDOC!!" they shouted in unison.

"Wha's with all the yellin', yeah?" the bassist stolled in, rubbing his head

"Yo ain't never teaching her _any__thing, __**ever **_again!" Russel shouted.

"Wha' if she gets inta trouble latah because of wha' you taught 'er?" 2D cried.

Noodle sighed glumly and slid down from her seat. "I will need years therapy from this…" she mumbled.  


* * *

**A/N: **Ah, Murdoc can never teach her anything... nice... like knitting or something. PLEASE NOTE: Everything except for "baka", which means "moron" "fool" or "idiot", the Japanese here is very **very _Very VERY_** bad-nasty stuff. No repeatie unless you want your arse kicked Tokyo style... you hear?  
Also, special thanks to Iridescent Twilight for suggesting more of Murdoc's teaching moments!


End file.
